Robert Lewis
As for the business, things are very tough. It hasn't produced enough to pay me a salary for a year so I have now spent all my savings and I have had to close my personal current account. On paper I am destitute. I am 60 this month and have until now, never - by God's providence - wanted for money.
It's very scary, but here at the lowest point in life I have, I feel, really started to find Jesus. I am totally beholden to Him. And I haven't gone hungry yet. Only today, a customer came in and asked about a job I am doing for them and I explained that the lead-time the job was taking to do was causing a cash-flow difficulty with regard to the supply of steel. He just made out a cheque to pay for it. I was so blessed.
Also this morning, I heard that a large company I doo work for had awarded me a contract which is extremely lucrative for me with a large profit margin. It doesn't start for a couple of weeks but I pray God will keep me going until it starts. Once the money starts flowing in, both the company and our personal bank accounts will be freed up.
But the excitement in all this is not really anything to do with money, or the company or me, but the newly formed personal relationship with Jesus. I have never felt like this before and in the light of it, it's almost like nothing else matters. I feel so secure and unworried and joyful.
I have been crying out to Jesus for some time now as a Christian, questioning Him about the seeming inconsistencies between our experiences in a modern day church and what the disciples experienced (miracles, healings, salvation etc and all the 2nd chapter of Acts stuff). On two occasions God has told me it's all about relationship. The first time I was told this in our house group, I didn't pick up on it. But now I know He has given me a deep desire to know and serve Him. This period of 'destitution' has actually helped, in that our whole family is reliant on His mercy but finding peace about all our present circumstances. It's actually where God wants us. The problem is that I want more and more - I want to experience what Smith Wigglesworth and George Muller experienced in their relationship with Jesus.